The Snapping Parallel

Marie Antwonet

Let’s start off crabezoid.com’s first movie review by saying that I was more or less forced to see this movie; 2 points of extra credit for A.P. euro is something I would do more than just see a bad movie for. Now that thats understood, let’s get to it. If anyone reading this has any intention of going to this movie, let me tell you three things: 1, The movie plays “I want candy” in the middle; 2, The majority of the plot is Kirsten Dunst being unable to produce an heir with her husband; 3, There is not one second of violence or action in this movie.

The preview for the picture shows a short battle between two ships in front of an emotional looking Kirsten Dunst. This preview could not have been more misleading; however, considering that, the scene in the movie is two model ships shooting off fireworks at each other as a show for the nobles. There is no actual ship combat, or any combat, for that matter, in this movie.

Anyone who read this review and saw the movie anyway, deserves either a pie to the face, or 2 points of extra credit.

~Mr. Walnut

P.S. After 4 minutes of watching this, Triangator ate the row the behind him, attempted to eat the several pink cakes in the movie, and proceeded to eat the film itself… It’s a good thing octosaurus wasn’t there…